For the last week, I've been sick.

What started out as a scratchy throat and cough that I attributed to inhaling vinegar steam while trying to clean my coffee pot with Futility (which should be a brand of cleaner, for all the damn pot cares), escalated into sneezing and a drippy snout.

The last two days have been pre nasal, nasal and post-nasal Hell: runny nose, stuffy runny nose, and down-the-back-of-the-throat runny nose.

I don't like taking OTC cold remedies. For both the obvious reason: they're either ineffectual or make you see giant spiders, and the disobvious reason: Washington State makes you pony up your driver's license, a next of kin and a note from your third grade spelling teacher just to get a box of head dryer.

It's a hell of a thing to have your DL recorded by some pimple-faced highschool bagger just to buy a single box of Whackafed. No one knows what Happytown Grocery does with the information; perhaps they sell fake IDs in order to get the freshest produce.

Last night I was so fed up with my float down the River Proboscis that I took a Thwartafed. It didn't do a thing. Four hours later, just before bed, I took a Slapafed allergy tab. That worked a little. A little is okay with me. I slept pretty well.

Anyway, I'm sick and I just wanted the world to know. And to sympathize.

And to send tissues.