Bush plan sparks ire, immigration rally

Immigrant rights advocates say many of the area's illegal immigrants feel betrayed by President Bush, who they had long considered an ally.

To get a permit and become legal permanent residents, illegal immigrants would have to return to their home country, apply at a U.S. embassy or consulate to re-enter legally and pay a $10,000 fine.

First, I hope that the INS has plenty of overtime available so that the maximum number of agents can attend these rallies.

Second, I hope there's room in the INS budget for the hundreds of 97-passenger vans they're going to need to haul the illegals caught at these rallies to the deportation processing centers.

Third, what kind of stupid pills are the immigration policy makers in the Bush administration taking? How in the name of fresh strawberries can any rational person even think of fining poor people $10,000 and charging them fees of $3,500 for work visas?

I support legal immigration to the fullest extent practical. I kinda like poor people since I come from a long line of them and still sorta am one. I support low-priced fresh fruits and vegetables even though I'm starting to lean to the "eat in season" side of that.

Howsomever. Don't come into my country illegally. Don't sneak into the US for work just because it will allow you to pay off your two homes in Mexico in half the time. Don't use the backs of illegals to artificially depress the real price of produce so that your profit is greater; I'm willing to pay more for produce if I can eat it with a clear conscience.

I hope lots of law breakers get sent back home after these rallies and then I hope some logical policy is developed that will allow people who are willing to work to come here and do so.

And you know what? Neither of my hopes will be realized.

Thanks for all of the profound laughter.

Cartoonist Hart, creator of 'B.C.,' dies

Cartoonist Johnny Hart, whose award-winning "B.C." comic strip appeared in more than 1,300 newspapers worldwide, died at his home on Saturday. He was 76.

CBS Fires Don Imus From Radio Show

CBS fired Don Imus from his radio program Thursday, the finale to a stunning fall for one of the nation's most prominent broadcasters.

"There has been much discussion of the effect language like this has on our young people, particularly young women of color trying to make their way in this society," CBS President and Chief Executive Officer Leslie Moonves said in announcing the decision. "That consideration has weighed most heavily on our minds as we made our decision."

Language?! LANGUAGE?!

CBS-owned "urban" radio stations nationwide play so-called "music" by rappers such as Ludicris, Snoop Dogg and others who have done and actively do more to demean "young women of color trying to make their way in this society" with their lyrics and how women are protrayed in their music videos than Don Imus' flippant fark-up.

Black culture itself does more to adversely affect "young women of color trying to make their way in this society" than some old fart on the radio.

When y'all want to deal with yourselves, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, when you want to tell the truth to your young people instead of playing them for fools of yours and victims of whitey, then you might be able to act indignant over some old white guy's comments with some sort of credibility.

Until then, nigga please!

You were a great dame, Kitty. The last of your kind. We'll miss you.

We interrupt this mass media milking of the murder of 32 in Virginia to bring you a special bulletin. We put aside the sensational airing of photographs of a crazy, hammer-wielding murderer to bring you this update. We break in on the interview with a 1962 alumni from Virginia Tech to bring you this special report.

One-hundred and seventy-one people were killed in Baghdad yesterday. One-hundred and seventy-one people whose pictures don't appear on American television. One-hundred and seventy-one people whose tearful relatives aren't being interviewed by Katie Couric. One-hundred and seventy-one people who had lives and family and dreams and hopes as loving and strong and important as the thirty-two killed in Virginia.

We now return you to full coverage of an interview with Fred Fabbenhammer who once drove through Virginia and saw a Korean.

A Media-Savvy Murderer

So Mr. Cho gets his fifteen minutes. The question bewildering journalism observers--why'd he send his goodie bag to NBC News?--has an easy answer: it was in gratitude for their firing of Imus.

Not so easy is the answer to the question: what is the possible journalistic explanation for splashing Cho's self-dramatizing poses and self-justifying bullshit over network and cable air? Did we learn anything useful during the spate of interviews of Charlie Manson years ago, except that he was one crazy motherfucker? Cho's pathetic outpourings deserved to be put back where they came from--in a small room, with FBI guys sentenced to read/see and parse them Instead, a hundred thousand self-pitying mentally ill young men (and women?) have just been shown the road to glory one more time. A society in which it's easier to become famous for killing people than for doing something useful or constructive is one remarkable place in which to live.

Do you remember the CAN SPAM Act of 2003? No, the Act wasn't part of Tommy Thompson's suggested "duct tape" defense against terrorist attack, as in, "Four rolls of duct tape, sixteen big blue tarps and CANs of SPAM."

In summary, the CAN SPAM Act of 2003 was this: The Controlling the Assault of Non-Solicited Pornography and Marketing Act requires unsolicited commercial e-mail messages to be labeled (though not by a standard method) and to include opt-out instructions and the sender's physical address. It prohibits the use of deceptive subject lines and false headers in such messages. The FTC is authorized (but not required) to establish a "do-not-email" registry. State laws that require labels on unsolicited commercial e-mail or prohibit such messages entirely are pre-empted, although provisions merely addressing falsity and deception would remain in place.

I recall how giddy everyone was when W put his X on the dotted line and this tough new anti-spam effort became the law of the land. Oh, the spammers and phishers were giddy too. I'll bet they were just laughing all the way to the Fifth Third Bank.

Most of the mail I receive on my main email account (which doesn't have a server-side spam blocker on it) is junk - maybe not "spam" as defined as being "unsolicited commercial email" but it is junk.

I get unknown species of junk in Russian and I kick my self for not taking Evil Empire in high school because I might be able to tell if it's spam or phish.

I get scam job offers: "Phlotzun, a Truly Big Banking Institution having location in Patingo Minor, need person to count all the money. Some guy in chat room tell us you were honorable. We like offer job of By Alone Money Counter to you! Just send us bank account and credit card number you use and we send you all the money to count."

I get Cialis and Viagra offers by the bucket load (which are probably phishing attempts or just attempts at blind thievery). While I admit that the offers for the oxymoronicaly-named "Soft Viagra" make me chuckle, what gives me the most pleasure are the generated names that often appear in the 'From" fields of these and other "pharmacy offer" emails. Who wouldn't like to actually know an Armando Hatfield, a Bawwater Mcbride, a Danton Varsani, or a Kanpassorn Hathaway?

I get casts form the Phishermen like every day is the opening day of fly season. Occasionally the bait is presented so well that I actually look it over, especially when it's tarted-up to look like my real bank. I just wish there was a way to combine the Viagra junk with the Branch Banking and Trust junk so that I could see my money grow.

My eBay account is in jeopardy almost as often as my PayPal account which are both in trouble as often as my mortgages are approved.

Which reminds me of something: don't the spammers, junkers and phishers understand that receiving the same notice multiple times a day cuts down on it's effectiveness as a con?

For instance, since Friday I've received emergency notices about my non-existent Branch Banking and Trust account eleven times. My PayPal account has been in distress eleven more times. I received dire notices concerning my non-account at the Fifth Third bank nine times. These junkers are like the fake bums I see on Alaskan Way every day - they hit you with the same spiel every time they see you regardless of what the outcome was the last time.

I just got to wondering about the CAN SPAM Act this morning as I read exciting subject lines in my in box like: "Navy Than Husbandman", "Do Tusk Until Uniplex", and the super-cryptic "Or Of Cacm".

Yes sir, those spammers, junkers, phishers and conners sure CAN spam.

War may be hell and things may have to be done while fighting that aren't acceptable otherwise but when the beating of informants by the fledgling military in a fledgling democracy is met with a 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy from the righteous United States, just what hope do we have for a real democracy in Iraq?

3 Suspects Talk After Iraqi Soldiers Do Dirty Work

“The detainee gave us names from the highest to the lowest,” Captain Fowler told the Iraqi soldiers. “He showed us their safe houses, where they store weapons and I.E.D.’s and where they keep kidnap victims, how they get weapons, where weapons come from, how they place I.E.D.’s, attack us and go away. Because you detained this guy this is the first intelligence linking everything together. Good job. Very good job.”

“They are not supposed to do that,” Captain Fowler said. “What I don’t see, I don’t know, and I can’t stop.

Mayor Proposes a Fee for Driving Into Manhattan

Saying that he would not spend his final term in office “pretending that all is fine,” Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg made a series of Earth Day proposals this afternoon to improve the environment of New York City, including charging a new congestion fee to drivers who come into parts of Manhattan during peak hours during weekdays.

There would be no toll booths, just a network of cameras that would capture license plate numbers and either charge a driver’s existing commuter account or generate a bill to be paid each time.

The City scrapped a plan to let Joey "Knuckles" Capilari collect the surcharge with baseball bats.

And...they want to improve New York's environment? They should do something about all of that greenhouse gas coming off of Madison Avenue.

FDA knew for years of potential problems with spinach, peanut butter

The Food and Drug Administration has known for years about contamination problems at a Georgia peanut-butter plant and on California spinach farms that led to disease outbreaks that killed three people, sickened hundreds and forced one of the biggest product recalls in U.S. history, documents and interviews show.

"We have to get out of the 1950s paradigm."

Having the food industry police itself is a nice, Conservative anti-regulatory ideal. Unfortunately, as we see, some manufacturers would rather make a buck and take their chances than ensure the safety of their products.

As the recent deaths of pets probably caused by contaminated Chinese glutens shows, Americans need to wake up to the fact that we no longer have any control over what goes into our food when we buy processed products from the Mega-Ag companies.

Eat in season, eat locally grown food and eat less processed food.

Now, back to your Fritos and Cheez-Whiz.

FDA quarantines hogs fed tainted pet food; unsure about human food supply

Salvaged pet food contaminated with an industrial chemical was sent to hog farms in as many as six states, federal health officials said Tuesday. It was not immediately clear if any hogs that ate the tainted feed then entered the food supply for humans.

Hogs at a farm in California ate the contaminated products, according to the Food Safety and Inspection Service. Officials were trying to determine whether hogs in New York, North Carolina, South Carolina, Utah and Ohio also may have eaten the tainted food, the FSIS said. Hogs at some of the farms - it wasn't immediately clear which - have been quarantined.

Hey, if you can't make a buck selling your tainted pet food to American pet owners, all is not lost! Thanks to the crackerjack enforcement of America's stringent food laws by the FDA, you can instead introduce your contaminated pet food into the human food chain at a profit!

And what the hell is "salvaged" food? Do our food animals Dumpster dive for feed in this country? That explains all of the cattle that hang out behind my local Blimpies.

"All of that meat is under control at the facility," [a Food Safety and Inspection Service grunt] said. "It is important to keep in mind this is a small number of farms that may have received this feed."

No. It's not important to keep in mind that, while this was a terrible fuck up, this was a containable fuck up. It's important to keep in mind that next week's goddamned ham sandwich may contain pig parts from a hog fed food that killed my goddamned cat!

"At this point, I don't have a definitive answer other than to say that the issue is being addressed," Stephen Sundlof, the FDA's chief veterinarian, told reporters when asked if any of the hogs had entered the human food supply. A poultry farm also may be involved, he added.

Well, I feel better now.

Not.

Sports columnist: 'I am a transsexual'

Penner, who is married to another Los Angeles Times writer, said he started coming out about two months ago by telling his boss, his barber and a soccer teammate, and that he now feels happier and healthier.

It's extremely bad form to tell your barber that you're a transexual before you break that news to your WIFE.

May you find the perfect outfit - except for the shoes.

Nude man in high heels causes lockdown

He was last seen running down one of the building's hallways in the heels, police said.

Haha, Christine! He has your shoes!