Do you remember the CAN SPAM Act of 2003? No, the Act wasn't part of Tommy Thompson's suggested "duct tape" defense against terrorist attack, as in, "Four rolls of duct tape, sixteen big blue tarps and CANs of SPAM."

In summary, the CAN SPAM Act of 2003 was this: The Controlling the Assault of Non-Solicited Pornography and Marketing Act requires unsolicited commercial e-mail messages to be labeled (though not by a standard method) and to include opt-out instructions and the sender's physical address. It prohibits the use of deceptive subject lines and false headers in such messages. The FTC is authorized (but not required) to establish a "do-not-email" registry. State laws that require labels on unsolicited commercial e-mail or prohibit such messages entirely are pre-empted, although provisions merely addressing falsity and deception would remain in place.

I recall how giddy everyone was when W put his X on the dotted line and this tough new anti-spam effort became the law of the land. Oh, the spammers and phishers were giddy too. I'll bet they were just laughing all the way to the Fifth Third Bank.

Most of the mail I receive on my main email account (which doesn't have a server-side spam blocker on it) is junk - maybe not "spam" as defined as being "unsolicited commercial email" but it is junk.

I get unknown species of junk in Russian and I kick my self for not taking Evil Empire in high school because I might be able to tell if it's spam or phish.

I get scam job offers: "Phlotzun, a Truly Big Banking Institution having location in Patingo Minor, need person to count all the money. Some guy in chat room tell us you were honorable. We like offer job of By Alone Money Counter to you! Just send us bank account and credit card number you use and we send you all the money to count."

I get Cialis and Viagra offers by the bucket load (which are probably phishing attempts or just attempts at blind thievery). While I admit that the offers for the oxymoronicaly-named "Soft Viagra" make me chuckle, what gives me the most pleasure are the generated names that often appear in the 'From" fields of these and other "pharmacy offer" emails. Who wouldn't like to actually know an Armando Hatfield, a Bawwater Mcbride, a Danton Varsani, or a Kanpassorn Hathaway?

I get casts form the Phishermen like every day is the opening day of fly season. Occasionally the bait is presented so well that I actually look it over, especially when it's tarted-up to look like my real bank. I just wish there was a way to combine the Viagra junk with the Branch Banking and Trust junk so that I could see my money grow.

My eBay account is in jeopardy almost as often as my PayPal account which are both in trouble as often as my mortgages are approved.

Which reminds me of something: don't the spammers, junkers and phishers understand that receiving the same notice multiple times a day cuts down on it's effectiveness as a con?

For instance, since Friday I've received emergency notices about my non-existent Branch Banking and Trust account eleven times. My PayPal account has been in distress eleven more times. I received dire notices concerning my non-account at the Fifth Third bank nine times. These junkers are like the fake bums I see on Alaskan Way every day - they hit you with the same spiel every time they see you regardless of what the outcome was the last time.

I just got to wondering about the CAN SPAM Act this morning as I read exciting subject lines in my in box like: "Navy Than Husbandman", "Do Tusk Until Uniplex", and the super-cryptic "Or Of Cacm".

Yes sir, those spammers, junkers, phishers and conners sure CAN spam.