Columbus Day is one of my favorite holidays just because it's so obscure and rarely celebrated.

I chose to celebrate Columbus Day the old-fashioned way. I celebrated in the way that explorers of old did: I had a nice lunch of cedar plank salmon with leaders of the local Duwamish tribe after which I traded several strings of beads and a raccoon pelt for the chief's youngest daughter and the rights to 700 acres of forest on the river, and before I left I gave them all small pox.