So I get this email from a friend. It's something called an "Action Alert" from the American Family Association. I imagine that this is the equivalent of an Amber Alert for the religious crowd.

It's as if, somewhere a defenseless Christian allusion is being kidnapped by a dirty old Satanist and the faithful must be roused to be on watch.

The alert is all about how the home improvement chain Lowe's has advertised fake, flammable and probably fully leaded Chinese-made artificial pine trees by calling them "family trees" rather than "Christmas" trees.

Lots of hand-wringing copy ensues but the bottom line is a call to action for all sensible Christians. What should the God-fearing among us do?

• 1) send Lowe's a NastyGram via email
• 2) Purchase cheesy buttons and magnets from AFA that let you boast of your superior attitude toward God
• 3) Send AFA a donation so that they can continue to send out Action Alerts that ask for money

I'm confused. Are Christians aware that Jesus isn't alleged to have been delivered under an evergreen by a fat elf in a flying sleigh?

Are Christians upset that the secular business world will no longer tie ancient pagan winter rituals to their holy days? That's what Yule trees are, you know. As is the gifting, the merry in merry (i.e., making merry isn't done in church) Christmas, the gorging on food and drink and the other rituals people around the world observe in Winter.

Seriously, if "Jesus is the reason for the season" as Christians love to proclaim, why would they give a rip at the loss of the pagan cross-branding?

Like all of the other political marketers, AFA is peddling fear as their product and soliciting donations as payment.