No, not Big Fat Ass Syndrome but Black Friday Avoidance Syndrome.

To tell the truth, I have a general Large Retail Establishment Avoidance problem. I hate the mall.

It isn't really the crowds that bother me (I just went to an NFL game on Sunday). It's seeing what should be a diverse and creative humanity marching in the lockstep of conformity - and determinedly slogging through a completely controlled and colluded space, in order to accentuate that conformity through the purchase of more conformist symbols.

That and there's only so god damned much of that stench from Cinnnabon a man can take.

On Black Friday, everything is multiplied 'n' times. I get sick to my stomach seeing people dragging huge bags of "gifts" through the mall like pirates heading back to their SUV galleons only to return for more "booty". Damn, Soccer Mom the Pirate, it ain't plunder if you have to pay for it.

I guess it is still greed. Maybe that's what gets to me the most. The utter selfishness that bubbles through what should be a simple and sincere gift of love.

Some people have a plan for assaulting the retail ramparts on Black Friday. I go in the other direction and make plans that avoid the usual dens of iniquity.

I'm not shopping for Christmas, mind you. I'm talking about needing some tool or supply that I'd normally popinto a department store for.

If I need something, I'll try the supermarkets first. No one shops for Christmas on Black Friday at the supermarket. I'll also try the drugstores. Drugstores typically don't get a piece of Jesus' Birthday Bash until they slash prices on their seasonal Chinese plastic products along about the week before The Most Blessed Day.